The Zodiac School

A Hetalia RPG AU with supernatural beings~ Where all types of creatures can come to learn!
 
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 Application Ryan Flame

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deatheater2131



Posts : 1
Join date : 2011-11-11

PostSubject: Application Ryan Flame   Fri Nov 11, 2011 8:01 pm

~ T H E C H A R A C T E R ~



Full name: Ryan Flame
Age: 19
Hometown: Chicago

Creature: Demon
Favourite Subject: Science
Extra Details: Pretends to be a boy

Physical description: Short blond hair, Tall, Black eyes
Biology: Demonic teeth, Hiden wings
Personality/Habits: Making things explode, Drawing
History: Never had family lived in the woods untill a boy brought me out and made me family and send me to go into this school
[color=green]Other Information:[color=olive] most girls she stays away from most people and is known as the country Flamashi

Role Play Sample: Wandering around like I do , but this time I ran into a boy "who are you ?" his bear said looking at me. " I am Flamashi " i said with out showing any emotion. The guy holding the bear said " Sorry, I I'm Canada" in a quiet voice. He looked at my tared clothes in shock." Follow me" he said so I did. He thought i was a boy and gave me these old clothes. i changed in the bathroom with out saying a thing.

~ O O C I N F O R M A T I O N ~

Your name: ( I can not say)
Age: 19
Time-zone: Hawiian
Email/AIM/MSN/Etc: (i can not say )
Did you read the rules?: yes
Anything else you want to add: nope not one thing


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Félicité Canella

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Posts : 81
Join date : 2011-01-19

PostSubject: Re: Application Ryan Flame   Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:49 pm

Hey there! I'm one of your friendly neighborhood admins here to help you out! You seem to be in what I would call 'dire need of assistance' and, being nothing but helpful, I'll be the daring prince to your damsel in distress.
First off, honey, though you say that you in fact have read the rules, I'm afraid you have broken a prodigious number of them. Here's a little list with explanations that will, hopefully, help you out.
Quote :
- This is an AU, so make ages appropriate. For example, students should be between the ages of 11 and 18, and teachers should be 20 or up.
As Ryan is 19, she would not be in the Zodiac School {unless she managed to fail and was held back a year}. HOWEVER, there is another problem that would prevent her from attending the school altogether or from even being in this RP:
Quote :
- No Gender-bends or OCs.
I'm sorry to say that as Flamashi does not exist in either the real world or in Axis Powers Hetalia, she cannot be in this RP at all.
Quote :
If you’ve read the rules, tell me what colour shirt you’re wearing when I ask you a specific question.
You also ignored this rule altogether, be it on purpose or not.
If you had indeed applied for a canon character, your application would still be rejected for a few more reasons.
  • All applicants are required to post in the reservation thread and wait for administrator or moderator approval before posting an application.
  • For the physical description, biology, personality/habits sections, we are looking for flowing prose instead of fragmented statements. We expect at least a paragraph or two for each section. It gives you more room to accurately describe and flesh out your character.
  • Your history section is also lacking in length, sense of realism and, to top it all off, it is written in first person; something that is generally avoided like the plague in RPs unless you in facts are writing an in character journal entry or letter of some sort.
  • Spell check, spell check, spell check. Please use it.
  • Grammar: I know it's not fun but utilize it! This is a LITERATE forum dear.
  • I'm afraid your RP sample is not an acceptable level either. Not simply in terms of grammar, punctuation and spelling but in actual content. It's brief, the contents. . .well, I have to confess my 10 year old sister could outshine you in characterization.
  • Speaking of which, I am in serious doubt of your own age. Though that could just be me being uncharacteristically mean but someone with your level of writing and lack of structure knowledge cannot have gone through the American school system.

If I come off as cruel, I apologize sincerely. If you wish to apply again, choose a canon character and invest lots of time and effort into making an application on par with the standard we uphold here. Thank you.

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Matthew Williams
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Posts : 201
Join date : 2010-12-07
Age : 24
Location : Zodiac School

PostSubject: Re: Application Ryan Flame   Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:58 pm

Ok, I'll quickly add something on top of that;

Your RP sample.

You are supposed to show how you RP.

You include my character (Which I resent, you know) and give him speech and actions.

One of our rules is 'No Godmodding'.

If this is an example of how you RP, you can't have any one else do anything, because the idea of RPing is that you just play one character.

Remember this when you try again.

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